Hear Ye! Hear Ye!
Scurrilous rumours and shameful reportage of the squalid rum and uncanny adventures of the elusive victorian-styled villains leaving only the mark
being an abbreviation or abridging of the unashamed self titled description of deeds or persons being so-called
the nefarious and unfortunate ghetto of Whitechapel and former plague pit and mass grave being named Shore-ditch as the waterways of the the underground rivers of Fleet, Lea, The Hackney Marshes and THE MIGHTY THAMES meet.
An illegal and unhygienic gathering of gin chasing slatterns, rogues, tinkers, fallen gentlemen of loose morals, chinese opium eaters, cutpurses, piemakers and assorted unfortunates attempted to
storm the gates
of a respectable and modest village picnic this Sunday, some gain entry through use of guile, subterfuge and unexpected agility
and were repelled
by the brave parish constables employed against such a dreadful prospect and were bravely manhandled and ejected with extreme vigour by the brave souls within, using merely appeals to the good lord, prestidigitation, distraction, the soothing words of philanthropic ladies and a large manservant directed buy one of our brave veterans of the Crimea.
Luncheon was considered most agreeable by all , being both flavourful, exotic and reasonably priced
musical entertainment was met with applause and delight at the clockwork marvels, melodiums and devices wound by hand from artistes from far flung corners of the empire such as
Sgt PAUL LYMAN
who displayed his amazing pandemonium musical box discovered in far flung hill tribes of the steppes of mongolia and direct from a previous engagement in the celebrated theatres of Nottingham.
Cowering and fearful Ladies
were abashed and amused to learn the exotic
was simply an exhibition of the finest example of the noble savage and dangerous only if dehydrated or startled by magnesium photography flashes
his pagan drum ritual dancing and wild gaze
proved to be thrilling to all and of genuine scientific interest to those of the royal society present and gentlemen of an anthropological bent
Sadly the much anticipated and costly
EXHIBITION OF SCIENTIFIC WONDERS
and advances in steam driven melodiums to be tested in vigorous peer tested conditions
WAS CANCELLED OUTRIGHT
due to the possible danger of over-excitement of the more delicate constitutions present and at the request of an assembly of local clergymen of several faiths accompanied by a constable
ALL IMMINENT DANGERS
were made safe by the swift and desicive actions of our resident academic and gentleman adventurer
Professor C. J. West p.h.d
IMMORAL AND LEWD ACTS concerning so-called "subterranean baths" and "Dens of the Turk" it transpired were VICIOUS ENGINEERED RUMOURS deliberately broadcast to SMEAR and PLACE IN QUESTION the high moral tone of what was a mere family picnic and hastily erected bandstand.
The organisation committee assures members and local residents the following events will be equally eventful but ask that the 10pm SHARP cut off time be noted and in future entry will be vigorously denied without exception at 8pm to avoid any further uncomfortable swelling of numbers or general unpleasantness.
THE POLICING OF THE STRICT POLICIES of
MEMBERSHIP ONLY, EXCLUSION Of NON LOCALS and RIFF RAFF
and the pursuit of beauty and poetic truth in an oasis of calm remains the organising committee's
MOST EARNEST WISH
(if you find these missives too wordy, fear not! It simply means you are found wanting and are really not our type at all.)
Apply for your membership at
and you will be immediately granted GRATIS entry and honoured membership. Using the advances in
MODERN TRIGONOMETRY and TRIANGULATION
attempts to imitate or deceive your geographic location will be doomed to failure as upon application your location will become known to our map makers and navigators.
Workers, right thinking citizens and gentlepersons of East London
(dyslexics of the area UNTIE)
THIS IS YOUR WEEKLY SUNDAY GATHERING.
In other news :
VVWI travels the globe
into waves of high frequency known as "Radio"
(it will never catch on)
WAX CYLINDERS CRAFTED BY VVWI ARTISANS SOON AVAILABLE :
is suspected and shall be most bravely investigated by the plucky
Sgt Paul Lyman
Deepgroove Return! and a most deserving refitting by Gentleman's Club.
and stretching to the rim of the earth as the sea boils into space we see :
Ambassador Paul Loraine & his French counterpart Monsieur Lo
shaking hands across the channel in a delightful entente cordiale
Timo Garcia will again be released from his chains. Beware!
Tim Sheridan may get off his fat arse
The VVWI LIMITED LOVE ORCHESTRA will be captured soncially
THE MYSTERIOUS Mr.C
will finally deign to appear
WITNESS OUR ECTOPLASMIC RECORDINGS
of voices from the spirit world
VERYVERYWRONGINDEED - Releases
GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!
(stand up, look sharp and tuck your bloody shirt in! there's Royalty about)